The Gaseous State of My life

To describe my life since young to now, I would believe using the state of matter to describe to be the most apt.

Solid - Living my life unknowingly being protected and living a life according to the plans expected and what every parents wished. Sticking to the rules and laws, clear focused and unmelleable.

Liquid - Secondary sch to Uni. I'm being exposed to all sort of new things, starting to have my own perceptions of my surrounding and losing the clear goal in life. Life starts to get murky and less interesting to me. Though I'm more fluid and mobile, I can't escape the forces that bound me.

Gas - This is the state I'm currently at now. Though versatile, highly energetic but I'm moving in a far too erratic manner. I have lesser to a clear goal, I don't even have 1 in fact. This can be the most promising or the fall of my life if I do not think and plan. I find myself in a crisis. I want to escape... Air is to move freely, but life doesn't work this way. Mb if I compress myself I might be able to compress and capture this potential energy. I still do not wanna leave the free flowing air under the big blue sky. I'm selfish too cos I like to seek refuge at the place I feel most comfortable at.

Me n my boring life, but things get better when ple meet ple. Life is unpredictable...

Turn On the Heat

WOW!! Ytd was the first paper for my final exams. 1 paper 3 to go.

Sadly, I fked up for my first paper *pouts* But overall, I think i did ok lah.

I wish time stops turning, I really don't want this month to end so soon...

It would probably mean I wont get to stay as a student any longer and i dread the coming >.<

Sometimes I wished things would just stay they way they always do, however it not the way how this world works =x Those ple who are important to me , beside my family members, can be counted using my fingers... Feels pathetic lol


Let's see, we have Ling, Qing, Ting, God Ma, Brother, Ah Boy and my fishy a.k.a Monkey God now.





I espcially wanna thank 6 ple who really made a big impact in my life. These ple are Schmic, Josh, Lawrence,Casey, Angel and Narnia. They are my best gaming pals. Without their life experiences and advices, I thk I would have been unable to move on in life. Sorry, for being harsh on u guys sometimes but I noe u all did it for my good. Thanks for lending me a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on when I needed.





Thanks Yong Ming and Vellos for being such cool god brothers =D Thanks for showering care and concern over me all these years. U guys really made me feel like I have a Big brother to turn to for help and to "sa jiao" too. Although I Havn't been a V nice and well behaved little sis. LOL





Frens come and go, those who aren't in the list don't be too sad. It doesn't mean I've forgetten u. I rmb each and everyone who has contributed to my growth in a way or another. some have hurted me deeply, I have made some into my stepping stones, some have taught me other valuable lessons, while others mostly offered theirs and enjoyed my company.





The main point is , "I never did forget anyone of you". You all will always be in my mind stored away somewhere perhaps.





kind of feels weird, like I'm writting a suicide letter. Well it isn't LOL






Mood: cool blue

Tell me what I See, Hear is all Real please

Humans can't seem to stop dreaming and hoping, they never learn to give up. How amazing!
I really don't noe what to believe in anymore. If I can just drag my tired self along and recover. If I had more couraged, If I wasn't so afriad of being alone, If I wasn't so weak...

I will make it if u were there to stand by me all along. Too much precious things to lose now.

If the old doesn't go, the new can't come.

I don't wanna regret anymore. Chances only come once. Bias and blinded for too long. I wanna cherish whatever I have now.

Mood: Staring at the Stars, will I see a shooting star tonight?

All Hope Is Not Lost

Last semester this year, I have to give whatever I can. This is my last chance to create miracles. In some sense, it's really my last chance in this dire period of my life.
Yesterday was a shocking day of my life and also a day I felt so ill =/
Shock = A+ for Sociology Essay
Ill = Stomach so bloated so uncomfortable, felt so sick

Hope Glück will come my way from now on. Wishing upon a lucky star~

Mood: Mewing at the moon

When You Look Me in the Eye by Jonas Brothers

I've been looking for that someone
I never make it on my own
There's gotta be a million reasons
Why it's true

When you look me in the eyes
And tell me that you love me
Everything's alright
When you're right here by my side

When you look me in the eyes
I catch a glimpse of heaven
I find my paradise
When you look me in the eyes

I'm gonna tell you that I love
In the best way that I can
You're the light that make my darkness disappear

Movin' on, I start to realize
And it's all because you're by my side

When you look me in the eyes
And tell me that you love me
Everything's alright
When you're right here by my side

When I hold you in my arms
I know that it's forever
I just got to let you know
I never wanna let you go

When you look me in the eyes
I catch a glimpse of heaven
Oh, I find my paradise
When you look me in the eyes, oh yeah, ah~

Mood: earth brown

Blank Paper by Shing02 Feat. Murs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cT5xl4YNwBI

Have Fun with a piece of Blank Paper. Starting from scratch again can be fun too. =D

Mood: head bobbing

It's My Life by Bon Jovi

Finally, 1 positive post. From today on, I'm gonna break free from the chains.
The sky is so wide, I really don't have to choose to stay down here and wait anymore.
I've waited long enough, it's time for me to live my life again. It's my life!
I feel so light, let me soar into the blue sky~
All I need to do now is overcome GRAVITY and FLY!
Strengthen those lazy wings and FLY~~~

Happy B'day. I will always remember the time we had "JOY, FUN and seasons in the SUN" !

Mood: Graduated

Aspiring Designer

Was too bored, nothing to do. So I drew this. Thought it looks pretty artistic =3
Ran out of paper so I drew on my own face~~! *lames*

Mood: Spots of many colours, but eventually consumed by the dark hole

Hormone King

Must be the liquor Ice cream's fault at UDDERS. I feel so high and blood rushing through my veins. LoL The result... EXCESS HORMONAL EXCREATION!!

Mood : Pink and Red

So Twisted and Gruesome, Presenting to you the Little Soldier

All that should be done is done. No more regrets any longer...
It takes two hands to clap, a lone soldier fighting alone will eventually fall.

It's worth the compliment to have perservered so long. The soldier gained the respect of others. He knows it was just a consolation but deep down inside him it is still meaningless as the mission failed. Despite this, he has to learn to look forward and accept as nothing in life will ever go according to plan. Today, he no longer looks straight just at a path. He lets life into the hands of fate and destiny. He feels so much lighter now that he no longer has to hold on and focus on that 1 mission and task. Now, he searches for a new target and to renew his vigor.

It wasn't escape or giving in, but he has already reached to end of the road. He braved countless storms and conquered every obstacle in the way. This end road is nothing like what he encountered before. It's not something that can be overcomed by guts, will or believe. It's the gate of hell. When it's not the time, it just will not open for whoever.

Mood: clearblue, cool green

Hitori - Mika Nakashima

We are all delusioned. From the start, all along, we were all alone.
All that happened in the past was a dream.
What was said, What was done. They were all lies.
Why did we have to believe them?
We are living in a world of lies. We obey the lies.
We live by the rule of lies. We are moulded to believe in the lies.
The most ridiculous of all is that till the day we die,
we are all still delusioned by the lie.

However, there is one good thing about it. At least, you can finally
stop living a life of lies.


Mood: dull blue

What You Never Know - Hayley Westenra

"What You Never Know (Won't Hurt You)"

What you never know won't hurt you

What you never know won't lie

What you never know won't desert you

What you never know won't say goodbye

What you never know won't hurt you

What you never know won't lie

What you never know won't desert you

What you never know won't make you cry

I'm falling for you

I'm falling for you

My heart's torn in two

I'm falling for you

What you never know won't hurt you

What you never know won't lie

What you never know won't desert you

What you never know - unless you try

I'm falling for you

I'm falling for you

I'm falling for you

I just want you to know ... by Backstreet Boys

Because I love you by Shakin Stevens

Time passed. Months passed. The world continues in it's own revolution. Ironically, I can clearly feel that I'm the only one who is unable to transit. It's so tiring to control. I've been too controlled and poised since long ago. How much longer can I hold on? I feel like I really can't anymore. This insidious lump is growing every day in my thoart. Gradually, I realise I can't even speak up anymore. Songs I love to sing, don't sound as nice anymore. Is there another outlet for me to express myself? Limits are pushed time and time again. How big can my heart be?

I love listening to oldies. I love music. It's suppose to make me happy. I feel the pulse of the music as if it's my own heart beat. Sometimes being too soaked in it doesn't do me good at all. Is there anyway else?

Keeping it all. Swallowing it all. Hiding it all.

Denying everything is not happiness. Being too sensible is my weakness.

Mood: some dull colour

In the end, it doesn't even matter

So small, so tiny, everyone is struggling to live a life in their own way.
Burn, burn, burn, exhaust yourself.
What is there in the end?

Two hands, outstretched. Groping and grabbing.
What did you catch?

Walk, walk. Along the path.
Where is the beginning?
How did it end?

Twirl and dance. The song of destruction.
Join the beat. Fall into a trance.
Mentally shut. Physically numb.

Heart is in hibernation. To preserve.
To protect. To stop the pain.

I still love you...

Mood: Black absorbs all colour

I'm a Green-eyed monster and a Green Horn

Yesterday, I learnt a new kind of emotion which is "Jealousy". Since young, I was aware of its existence but I couldn't understand how it felt or identify it only till then. From here, I realise my emotions is only at an infancy stage. I feel, perhaps the only emotions I can understand now is only Anger, Happiness, saddness, repression and longing.

It's so easy to satisfy an infant's need, but was it too easy to such an extent that no one can comprehand? Because things are so simple, no one could understand and gradually we all adapted to become complicated animals. The pure, innocence and simplicity is lost. We are all corrupted. It's so hard to stay pure. We hid overselves with words and masks. It takes so much effort to even understand myself.

Nothing is never changing, all things shall perish. Going back brings sentimental memories. Tomorrow is not the same as Today, neither is Today and Yesterday. I now only sincerely wish, in my tomorrows and tomorrows, that I can __________________again.

Mood: Green and Blue

Zui jing bi jiao fan, bi jiao fan, bi jiao fan....

Yes, this is the best song to describe my mood. Lately, I really do not have the appettite to do anything. Making matters worst, my Final exams for speacial semester is THIS FRIDAY! I have no mood to study... whoever thought that can hua bei fen wei tu qiang one, go eat sai la!

My life is in a total mess... how did I get myself so tangled up, I wonder... Signals are sent but not the right ones were receieved. *sings Jay Chou's An Hao* so sad... things and people I really care for and think about just go away. Others which I do not need just keep coming. I don't want it. What should I do? What can I say? I've said what I needed too, I've tried what I wanted too. Maybe I wasn't trying hard enough... I think I will lose myself if I erase you.

Who am I waiting for to pick me up once again? Am I going to open up to anyone again? The crystal which is being disintergrated into finer pieces is finding it harder to shine as brightly as before. Now I've becomed a stray cat again. Liu lang arh~~ liu lang....

Mood: smearing of colours

A Mermaid without voice

EMO~ *BGM, Jay chou's kai bu liao kou & xiang hui dao guo qu*

*types (beep beep beep)*
Morning. Haiz.. This week I'm down with bad luck. Too much unlucky things happened to me. On my way to work as usu, but students half way smsed to cancel lesson.... so it's only 1 hr work today.... Wo hao xiang bei sua le...

*press back* - save to draft??
*ponders* type type type, delete delete * sighz*

*stares at handphone* Swimming today too? Xiang jian ni... * haiz*
*puts fone awy*

Ding Ding ding~
*slide up*
*haiz* type type type.... send.

*Look at the sky*
*thinks* Tian kong liao kuo, Di shi na me de da...ke shi Kan bu dao zi ji de chang shen zhi chu
*sighs*

*open mouth* (silence)
*clenches fists* walks on.

Mood: transparent

A kite that cannot fly....

1st agenda: Ling, Qing hai hao ma? Me taking special semester this sch holiday , hopefully I can yi fan feng shun complete this module and graduate le. Hao sian, what sud I do after i grad i still don't noe wad to do... Im just like a little kid who nv grows up. LoL

2nd agenda: ... ... ... ... tai nan kai kou le. She mo dou suo bu chu kou. Xiang xiao ye xiao bu chu lai. I think this is wad ple usually call depression ba. Mic, if you ever come across this blog in a 1 / 1,000,000 th chance. I want you to noe U hit the jackpot. I dont have much positive points. I may seem like i nv thk much and goes abt banging walls. However, it isnt exactly true, i think alot, I spend so much time to think and fight myself. In the end i still come to the same conclusion. To believe in someone and something is all I can do. Simple is beauty but in the eyes of others it can be redundancy and stupidity.

I wish I m a proud feline. I wish to hold my pride till the end. nth which is hollow inside will have the strength to support. Looks is just my pride to hide my inner flaws. To live and let live... Let me go , Let you go.. let the kite fly. I cut ur string so pls cut mine too. Love is "shellfish".

did you think so much too to grow so much more white hairs?

Back to Square 1

Qian Nian Zhi Lian

These few weeks were so hectic, I dont even have much time to enjoy gaming. So sad... My timetable everyday is to stay back in school after lessons and force myself to do work. Wadever work.. pResentation, essay writting, project.... all shit. The good thing is that the SHITTY MALAY PRESentaion is finally over, HURRY!! X3 THe Bad thing is I have 2 reports due on Friday at 5 pm. Argh~ Friday is my free day no sch, trying to rush finish everyth on Thur so i reward myself with a break. YEAH~

The semester is ending, my school fees are not yet paid, I'm graduating soon.... but wad m i gg to do after i Graduate?? Final exams are coming in 2-3 weeks time... What M i doing? lol SHIT I'm wasting time blogging??!! lol

Gan jue hao xiang zhong yu su xing le, xiang chong yao yuan de qian nian. Dan yi qie dou tai chi le, wo yi bei yi liu zai na yao yuan de shi kong, wu fa hui dao xian shi de shi jie. Wo xiang jiu shuan zai guo ge ji qian nian, wo hai shi wo... wo jiu shi wo....wo bu hui bian.... Ren xin ye hao, wu zhi ye ba.

Si nian

Ling arh, wo hao xiang ni... wish u a Happy Chinese New Year. When miss me come read read my blog or leave me a msg haha. This new year is so different without you. But ur future is more impt haha K wish u Xin xiang shi cheng, Shen ti jian kang =D

I will jia you oso, got time me write u someth. U and QQ are my best fren forever. You yi wan sui~~ Bonsai! Cheers.

How deep is ur love?

If I let u go... I will never know.... I'm stuck in the delimma of whether or not to pursue my own new happiness. You haven't been too kind to me, you have hurt me so DEEP. You make me feel so guilty to love u so much. The more I love you, the more pain I'm giving you and creating for myself. I'm trapped in a vicious cycle. Maybe my expired date has already reached... How I wish I was treasured more like a stone than to some stupid canned food.

Howling at the sky.....

Mood: muddy brown

Sakurairo Mau Koro

Weather and Me

The Weather relfects my mood so closely nowadays.
I do not know, perhaps, I was influence by it.
Ominious grey clouds covered the sky, threatening to rain.
Yet on the opposite side of the sky, the sun continues to shine and give us the warmth.
I can't help but to think,"Indeed, the weather is an expression of my true internal feelings."
Countless of unspoken reasons clouded my mind,
but to live on every day, I willed myself to stay under the light - to be with you.

Perhaps, I seeked comfort in the unpredictable weather.
The zooming draft chilled the excruciating pain living in my little body.
My heart stopped beating a moment under the icy grip; it felt soothing.
The resistence against the wind told me,"Just give up, you are tired already..."
Again, I continued to push forward but where am I heading?

The sky poured, as if crying in place for me.
It felt good, like some excess and unwanted energy found a way of release in me.
However, no matter how much is released, it just kept coming back to me.
Every night, silent tears found their way out of my eyes.
"Why," I wondered, "have the unpredictable weather possessed me?"

The sun will shine after the rain. Maybe I'll even be lucky and see a rainbow.
Can I believe?
Do you understand me?


Mood: Dull blue

Nobody Wanna See Us Together...

Hm... Friday is the only day in the week where I have no lessons.Yup, I've got a 4 day week timetable this semester. I woke up late around noon and spent most of the time training my baby Prophet in Lineage II. Just another boring day and nothing interesting happened. Tmr is my work day, gotta travel to the west to teach music...

I wonder how u are doing today... Miss you but you said not to bother too... Now I dont dare to say it anymore...Is this a silent break?

I wish that I've still got you

Mood: Grey

Wei She Mo yao dui ni.... diao yen lei~~~

10am at LT13 for my first GE3239 lecture. Poor me cudnt find the LT ended up running ard the whole ARTs Blk >.< Lecture was exciting, I'm looking 4ward to this semester^^

Today is the 3rd time i gamed in sch, except im using my own lap top and not "illegally" downloading the game into a sch computer =p

Did you have Chicken Rice for dinner too? I wonder.

Mood: blue

Hurray for GEOGRApHY

I love GEOGRAPHY~~~! LaLaLa

Oh yeah~ Finally in the first week of school reopen, TODAY, I have my first GEOGRAPHY lessons. I just love it. ^^ <3

Hoho, I'm taking 2 GEOGRAPHY modules this semester. The modules are Urban Climate and Environmental Sustainability. The former is more of physical compared to the latter. Sadly, the all the other physical modules offered this semester were already taken by me before. So, I'm trying out this NEWLY offered module Environmental Sustainability. It sounds rather cool and applicable to Singapore. Best of all, it's taught by one of my favourite lecturers last semester ^^ Mr Harvey Neo. He's really a cool and fun lecturer, though rather monotonous. I'm looking forward to more video clips for the modules. I've yet to attend this lecture but I'll update u guys tmr on it. Meanwhile, I have my hopes up pretty high.

Well, other modules ain't that bad either I guess. I'm taking lv 2 Malay language, sociology of Tourism, New media and communication intro and ENGLISH REMEDIAL. <--- Damn I hate English language. Cant they just test my oral and not my written =x?? I ended up in English remedial classes cos of my sucky grade for GP, C6. Hey, don't luff, I knew i wouldn't do well for GP cos i wrote out of context for my essay and only realised in the end of the exam. Screw me, I was probably too stressed out for my A lvl. Oh well...

Mood: Sunny yellow ^^/

Back to square 1 *BISH*

Why did i even started a blog? Too many reasons, let's see...

1. Save paper and pen ink
2. Lack space at home to keep more diaries
3. easy to access anytime when I want to pen something down
4. blah blah blah
5. Blah blah blah
6. The list goes on....

Not a really a fan of blogging but a really good place write share, vent, forget, complain and blah blah blah.

Sorry to waste a few seconds of ur life reading my shit, I DID NOT force u too do so.

Mood: Red